Better N Better Ministries

WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT...

                    Give us this day our daily courage 

WE FINALLY HAD A DAY AT HOME TOGETHER for the first

time in months as both of us had been working hard to make

ends meet.  Leslie had been without work for seven years

between 2001 and 2008. Mary had been working for the past

5 years since 2007 in temporary, on-call and/or volunteer

positions.  The economy coupled with the onset of Leslie's

blindness had been tough on everyone.

 

Full of frustration, the conversation about finances had

become tense and the instincts to fight or flee had been

reached.  All of a sudden Leslie blurted out,

 

" You never show me anything so I can see it. "

Both Leslie and I sat in shock as the words slowly sunk in. 

 

I was the first to speak.

"Leslie, did you hear what you just said?"

There was no answer.  A long silence...

"Leslie, you just said you wanted to see..."

Exhausted, Leslie lay down on the floor in front of his radio,

hugged it like a teddy bear and announced he didn't want to

talk any more today...a rather humble position for a guy who

is 6 foot 5 inches in height.

I turned to leave the room...then suddenly turned and

repeated the question.

" Leslie, did you hear what you said?"

 

" You said you wanted to see. "

As I left the room, tears streaming down my face I felt again

the PAIN that PTSD brings to the FAMILIES of those who lose their sight.  I would have to, once again, ride the wave and hold the world together until Leslie found his way back.

 

This was not the first time and probably not the last that the

realization of the loss of communication between us would

surface.  Retreating to his world of "independence", suffering 

the pain that his loss of sight brought him alone, Leslie would

fight his lonely battle to regain his sense of self a few days

later when we could talk again.

In the meantime some decisions had been made and acted

upon and I had carried the ball alone to the end zone hoping

that he would understand that the game had to go on

sometimes without him when the pain became too much

for him to bear...

I pray every day for other spouses who will continue to face

these challenges...alone...remembering their vows...for better

or for worse...drawing upon the integrity of their commitment

to God and family to see them through each battle until

their  disabled spouse can muster up the courage to face life again with their dignity intact...

Here's to healing...and the long road ahead...

GOD ISN'T FINISHED with us yet...

Thanking Him in advance for HEALING !

~ Rev. Mary Morrow-Farrell, DD, JD, PhD, OSM   Copyright 9-6-12