WE FINALLY HAD A DAY AT HOME TOGETHER for the first
time in months as both of us had been working hard to make
ends meet. Leslie had been without work for seven years
between 2001 and 2008. Mary had been working for the past
5 years since 2007 in temporary, on-call and/or volunteer
positions. The economy coupled with the onset of Leslie's
blindness had been tough on everyone.
Full of frustration, the conversation about finances had
become tense and the instincts to fight or flee had been
reached. All of a sudden Leslie blurted out,
" You never show me anything so I can see it. "
Both Leslie and I sat in shock as the words slowly sunk in.
I was the first to speak.
"Leslie, did you hear what you just said?"
There was no answer. A long silence...
"Leslie, you just said you wanted to see..."
Exhausted, Leslie lay down on the floor in front of his radio,
hugged it like a teddy bear and announced he didn't want to
talk any more today...a rather humble position for a guy who
is 6 foot 5 inches in height.
I turned to leave the room...then suddenly turned and
repeated the question.
" Leslie, did you hear what you said?"
" You said you wanted to see. "
As I left the room, tears streaming down my face I felt again
the PAIN that PTSD brings to the FAMILIES of those who lose their sight. I would have to, once again, ride the wave and hold the world together until Leslie found his way back.
This was not the first time and probably not the last that the
realization of the loss of communication between us would
surface. Retreating to his world of "independence", suffering
the pain that his loss of sight brought him alone, Leslie would
fight his lonely battle to regain his sense of self a few days
later when we could talk again.
In the meantime some decisions had been made and acted
upon and I had carried the ball alone to the end zone hoping
that he would understand that the game had to go on
sometimes without him when the pain became too much
for him to bear...
I pray every day for other spouses who will continue to face
these challenges...alone...remembering their vows...for better
or for worse...drawing upon the integrity of their commitment
to God and family to see them through each battle until
their disabled spouse can muster up the courage to face life again with their dignity intact...
Here's to healing...and the long road ahead...
GOD ISN'T FINISHED with us yet...
Thanking Him in advance for HEALING !
~ Rev. Mary Morrow-Farrell, DD, JD, PhD, OSM Copyright 9-6-12